Here I am almost 3 weeks post wedding ceremony, and I find myself confronted with idiosyncrasies that are unexpected. I am BLESSED to be married to the love of my life. A God fearing, loving, humble, strong man in which I am completely and utterly in love with. Before the confessions, a little background about the 2 of us.
We are both in our 30's, both have been married once before, and both have children as a product of those previous marriages. We both made the choice long ago that we didn't want to have any more children after our 2nd child was born, therefore, had taken steps to sterilize ourself in that regard. It had been 3 years since my separation from my ex husband when I met Ryan; only 6 months since his divorce was final when Ryan met me.
God's design for marriage:
Ephesians 5:3 But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people. NO SEX UNTIL MARRIAGE .... this INCLUDES once married but no longer individuals. Not just the individuals who have never been married before ... as my puny little brain wanted to believe at some point or another in my life.
Ephesians 5:18 Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Drunkenness leads to bad decisions, bad decisions lead to inappropriate actions, inappropriate actions can lead to a breakdown of the marriage.
Ephesians 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. Men, by God's design, are the leaders in the house. Wives are commanded to be accepting of their husband's role as the leader. Just as husbands are commanded to love their wife as Christ loved the church, "giving himself up for her" Ephesians 5:24
God's design for WIVES
Proverbs 31:15 She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family and portions for her female servants.
Proverbs 31:20 She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.
Proverbs 31:25 She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.
Proverbs 31:28 Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her.
Proverbs 31:30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
---------------------------------------
Ryan and I had both agreed that we wouldn't have sex until we were married; nor would we live together before we were married. A decision that the 2 of us wouldn't realize until later how difficult it would be to maintain.
It was February 15, 2013 and he proposed at a Detroit Red Wings game. Boy was I shocked when the proposal came. In the conversations that ensued, with details about the wedding, it all seemed surreal to me. Before long, we were talking about me packing up my house and 2 children and working on moving my things prior to the wedding. When we officially moved all my things to his house, he would then stay at his parents until we were husband and wife. It was going to be a blissful, busy time for us, but knowing that this was where God had led us made me believe it would be perfect.
Our honeymoon was awesome. We had the opportunity to spend an entire week after the wedding without our children. A lot of our time was spent just enjoying the company of each other through hiking, walking, napping, and laughing.
The first night our children came back to us (yes, all FOUR of them) was, to say the least, CHAOS. That night I had to work until 6:30, which meant my new husband would be with all 4 children by himself for a few hours. Most people wouldn't think this is a large task, however, reality hit like a brick being thrown in your face. The blissful busy time that we experienced prior to the wedding came to a screaching hault, and the bliss packed up and left. FOUR children needed to eat. FOUR children needed baths. FOUR children needed to brush their teeth and get ready for bed. All this in a matter of 90 minutes. To top it all off, my new husband was feeling overwhelmed, not from all the children but from all the STUFF that needed to be put away ... boxes, clothes, dishes, etc.
To see all this unfolding in front of me after a long day at work was, needless to say, overwhelming. Why wasn't everything PERFECT???? This is NOT how I imagined our life being married. An upset husband, and four children that were acting as though they hadn't seen each other in YEARS... bouncing off the walls. It seemed the only time they were "settled down" was when they were shoveling food into their mouths... and that only lasted what felt like a second.
After all the children were in bed, and alseep (by 9:00. don't ask me HOW that happened) we decided to watch the NCAA Men's Basketball final between UofM and Louisville. Being a HUGE UofM fan myself, I felt OBLIGATED to watch the game. We sat down and didn't speak much during the game. Three minutes before the half, he tossed me the remote and said he was going to bed. I KNEW he was upset, and I dreaded having to go to bed with him. I KNEW we needed to talk about the night's activities, but dreaded the conversation that would take place. I gave him an opportunity to get settled into bed and waited for the end of the period before turning in.
As I entered our bedroom, his back was turned toward the door. The lights were off and I thought for a moment he had actually fallen asleep. As I carefully slipped into bed, he asked who was ahead at the half. I quietly responded UofM, and turned over. What happened next I can't explain. I asked him if i could cuddle up next him, and he quietly said Yes. I NEEDED to feel his arms around me. We merged together in the middle of our king sized bed and I lost it. I started crying.... and not the kind of crying that you can easily hide. The kind of crying that is more like weeping, and all I could think about was, "My poor husband. He had no idea I was going to react like THIS." So he calmly asked me what was wrong. " I don't know," I wailed. "I didn't know it was going to be like THIS. This is NOT how I pictured things with us being married." "Hannah," he replied, "I love you." As if I'm not crying hard enough as it is, I started crying harder. From what I could muster out, in a small, squeaky, voice, I replied, "I love you, too, Ryan." We then prayed for US, our marriage, our kids, and our house. God grants peace to the weary and we quickly fell asleep... wrapped in each other's arms.
Our honeymoon was awesome. We had the opportunity to spend an entire week after the wedding without our children. A lot of our time was spent just enjoying the company of each other through hiking, walking, napping, and laughing.
The first night our children came back to us (yes, all FOUR of them) was, to say the least, CHAOS. That night I had to work until 6:30, which meant my new husband would be with all 4 children by himself for a few hours. Most people wouldn't think this is a large task, however, reality hit like a brick being thrown in your face. The blissful busy time that we experienced prior to the wedding came to a screaching hault, and the bliss packed up and left. FOUR children needed to eat. FOUR children needed baths. FOUR children needed to brush their teeth and get ready for bed. All this in a matter of 90 minutes. To top it all off, my new husband was feeling overwhelmed, not from all the children but from all the STUFF that needed to be put away ... boxes, clothes, dishes, etc.
To see all this unfolding in front of me after a long day at work was, needless to say, overwhelming. Why wasn't everything PERFECT???? This is NOT how I imagined our life being married. An upset husband, and four children that were acting as though they hadn't seen each other in YEARS... bouncing off the walls. It seemed the only time they were "settled down" was when they were shoveling food into their mouths... and that only lasted what felt like a second.
After all the children were in bed, and alseep (by 9:00. don't ask me HOW that happened) we decided to watch the NCAA Men's Basketball final between UofM and Louisville. Being a HUGE UofM fan myself, I felt OBLIGATED to watch the game. We sat down and didn't speak much during the game. Three minutes before the half, he tossed me the remote and said he was going to bed. I KNEW he was upset, and I dreaded having to go to bed with him. I KNEW we needed to talk about the night's activities, but dreaded the conversation that would take place. I gave him an opportunity to get settled into bed and waited for the end of the period before turning in.
As I entered our bedroom, his back was turned toward the door. The lights were off and I thought for a moment he had actually fallen asleep. As I carefully slipped into bed, he asked who was ahead at the half. I quietly responded UofM, and turned over. What happened next I can't explain. I asked him if i could cuddle up next him, and he quietly said Yes. I NEEDED to feel his arms around me. We merged together in the middle of our king sized bed and I lost it. I started crying.... and not the kind of crying that you can easily hide. The kind of crying that is more like weeping, and all I could think about was, "My poor husband. He had no idea I was going to react like THIS." So he calmly asked me what was wrong. " I don't know," I wailed. "I didn't know it was going to be like THIS. This is NOT how I pictured things with us being married." "Hannah," he replied, "I love you." As if I'm not crying hard enough as it is, I started crying harder. From what I could muster out, in a small, squeaky, voice, I replied, "I love you, too, Ryan." We then prayed for US, our marriage, our kids, and our house. God grants peace to the weary and we quickly fell asleep... wrapped in each other's arms.
In the days that followed we learned a few things about each other that we didn't know before; things that we would only learn AFTER the wedding. (1) It's not that easy to live with someone when you're used to living with just your kids and yourself. (2) He is much more of a neat freak than he would ever have admitted to before the wedding. (3) When I get overwhelmed, I cry. Who am I kidding? I cry easily. Sad stories, touching stories, a cute commercial, etc. That's who I am. (4) Patience truly IS a virtue. It's also one of the fruits of the spirit.
Two weeks has passed since this night. I am ever blessed with a husband who gives husbands around the world a GOOD name. A man that WANTS to hear my opinion; WANTS to hear what's bothering me; WANTS to fix it (if i want him to). A husband who is far from perfect, but who God is molding to be perfect for me.
Two weeks has passed since this night. I am ever blessed with a husband who gives husbands around the world a GOOD name. A man that WANTS to hear my opinion; WANTS to hear what's bothering me; WANTS to fix it (if i want him to). A husband who is far from perfect, but who God is molding to be perfect for me.
No comments:
Post a Comment