In the weeks that followed the wedding, my new husband and I were attempting to figure out how we were going to keep Christ our focus in our marriage. Ideas of HOW we pray together, read his word together, and talk about Him together was confusing us. It wasn't until a tragic event happened to our close friends that we began to learn HOW to praise him in our marriage.
It happened one night during the week, the news of our friends' family members passing away suddenly, was shared with us. My initial reaction was, WHY would God allow such a humble, God seeking family to suffer THIS kind of loss? In a split second, my mind answered that question with, God didn't DO this. John 10:10 "The thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy. I have come so that they may have life, and have it to the full." We began praying constantly for this family, pouring our hearts out to them in loving support. We were learning how to pray together through our friends' pain and suffering. Through this prayer one morning, I had a revelation about God, our Father.
When both of my children were younger, I can remember them trying to take their first steps. How encouraging I tried to be and how difficult it was to watch them tumble down every time they tried to walk. When my son was around 9 months old (he was walking by this point) he began to climb. He was NOT afraid of heights like I was, nor was he afraid to fall. Every time he attempted to climb on the table, the bed, climb OUT of his bed, etc., my reaction was always to be right there so he wouldn't get hurt. It wasn't until he took a fall out of his crib early one morning that he LEARNED he probably shouldn't climb out. He also learned that when he was hurting, mom was right there to help. It wasn't horrible, and he was fine, however, he wasn't free from a few bumps and bruises.
Can't we all relate? We've all been hurt, with the bumps and bruises to prove it. I'm the type of person, and I'm certain my parents can attest to this, that can NOT learn from what I'm told, but through my own experience good or bad. Every decision we make has a consequence to it, good or bad. I've heard it said, Life doesn't come with an instruction manual, but it DOES.... the Holy Bible. God's word is his plan for us. How we are supposed to love; How we are supposed to live; How we are supposed to cling to Him.
The book of Job is one of my favorite stories to read, especially in times of trying to understand the age old question, "WHY?" God doesn't promise a life free from pain, or struggle, or hardship, or tragedy. What He does promise is a life full of Love...perfect unending Love. The book of Job doesn't answer the question why. The truth is, we live in a fallen world, and because of this fallen world, we know pain, sorrow, disappointment and struggle. In a conversation Job had with God, God ultimately tells Job that He knows everything. Nothing is a surprise to Him. (Job 38:4-5 "Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth? Tell me, if you know so much. Who determined its dimensions and stretched the surveying line?") Job realizes that God knows all and praises Him ( Job 42:2 "I know that you can do anything, and no one can stop you.") and God returns TEN fold (10 to the 10th power) all that was taken from Job. (Job 42:12 So the Lord blessed Job in the second half of his life even more than in the beginning...)
Pain is always difficult, however, when we lean on Christ to carry us through our pain, it leads to a deeper relationship with Him. Our friends had no idea of the suffering they would endure at the tragic loss of their family members. Through their pain and suffering, they experienced God's power and love. Through their suffering, my new husband and myself, learned how to pray together and how to draw nearer to Him. A result I'm certain Satan wasn't aware of.
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Saturday, April 20, 2013
Confessions of a Newlywed Wife
Here I am almost 3 weeks post wedding ceremony, and I find myself confronted with idiosyncrasies that are unexpected. I am BLESSED to be married to the love of my life. A God fearing, loving, humble, strong man in which I am completely and utterly in love with. Before the confessions, a little background about the 2 of us.
We are both in our 30's, both have been married once before, and both have children as a product of those previous marriages. We both made the choice long ago that we didn't want to have any more children after our 2nd child was born, therefore, had taken steps to sterilize ourself in that regard. It had been 3 years since my separation from my ex husband when I met Ryan; only 6 months since his divorce was final when Ryan met me.
God's design for marriage:
Ephesians 5:3 But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people. NO SEX UNTIL MARRIAGE .... this INCLUDES once married but no longer individuals. Not just the individuals who have never been married before ... as my puny little brain wanted to believe at some point or another in my life.
Ephesians 5:18 Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Drunkenness leads to bad decisions, bad decisions lead to inappropriate actions, inappropriate actions can lead to a breakdown of the marriage.
Ephesians 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. Men, by God's design, are the leaders in the house. Wives are commanded to be accepting of their husband's role as the leader. Just as husbands are commanded to love their wife as Christ loved the church, "giving himself up for her" Ephesians 5:24
God's design for WIVES
Proverbs 31:15 She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family and portions for her female servants.
Proverbs 31:20 She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.
Proverbs 31:25 She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.
Proverbs 31:28 Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her.
Proverbs 31:30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
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Ryan and I had both agreed that we wouldn't have sex until we were married; nor would we live together before we were married. A decision that the 2 of us wouldn't realize until later how difficult it would be to maintain.
It was February 15, 2013 and he proposed at a Detroit Red Wings game. Boy was I shocked when the proposal came. In the conversations that ensued, with details about the wedding, it all seemed surreal to me. Before long, we were talking about me packing up my house and 2 children and working on moving my things prior to the wedding. When we officially moved all my things to his house, he would then stay at his parents until we were husband and wife. It was going to be a blissful, busy time for us, but knowing that this was where God had led us made me believe it would be perfect.
Our honeymoon was awesome. We had the opportunity to spend an entire week after the wedding without our children. A lot of our time was spent just enjoying the company of each other through hiking, walking, napping, and laughing.
The first night our children came back to us (yes, all FOUR of them) was, to say the least, CHAOS. That night I had to work until 6:30, which meant my new husband would be with all 4 children by himself for a few hours. Most people wouldn't think this is a large task, however, reality hit like a brick being thrown in your face. The blissful busy time that we experienced prior to the wedding came to a screaching hault, and the bliss packed up and left. FOUR children needed to eat. FOUR children needed baths. FOUR children needed to brush their teeth and get ready for bed. All this in a matter of 90 minutes. To top it all off, my new husband was feeling overwhelmed, not from all the children but from all the STUFF that needed to be put away ... boxes, clothes, dishes, etc.
To see all this unfolding in front of me after a long day at work was, needless to say, overwhelming. Why wasn't everything PERFECT???? This is NOT how I imagined our life being married. An upset husband, and four children that were acting as though they hadn't seen each other in YEARS... bouncing off the walls. It seemed the only time they were "settled down" was when they were shoveling food into their mouths... and that only lasted what felt like a second.
After all the children were in bed, and alseep (by 9:00. don't ask me HOW that happened) we decided to watch the NCAA Men's Basketball final between UofM and Louisville. Being a HUGE UofM fan myself, I felt OBLIGATED to watch the game. We sat down and didn't speak much during the game. Three minutes before the half, he tossed me the remote and said he was going to bed. I KNEW he was upset, and I dreaded having to go to bed with him. I KNEW we needed to talk about the night's activities, but dreaded the conversation that would take place. I gave him an opportunity to get settled into bed and waited for the end of the period before turning in.
As I entered our bedroom, his back was turned toward the door. The lights were off and I thought for a moment he had actually fallen asleep. As I carefully slipped into bed, he asked who was ahead at the half. I quietly responded UofM, and turned over. What happened next I can't explain. I asked him if i could cuddle up next him, and he quietly said Yes. I NEEDED to feel his arms around me. We merged together in the middle of our king sized bed and I lost it. I started crying.... and not the kind of crying that you can easily hide. The kind of crying that is more like weeping, and all I could think about was, "My poor husband. He had no idea I was going to react like THIS." So he calmly asked me what was wrong. " I don't know," I wailed. "I didn't know it was going to be like THIS. This is NOT how I pictured things with us being married." "Hannah," he replied, "I love you." As if I'm not crying hard enough as it is, I started crying harder. From what I could muster out, in a small, squeaky, voice, I replied, "I love you, too, Ryan." We then prayed for US, our marriage, our kids, and our house. God grants peace to the weary and we quickly fell asleep... wrapped in each other's arms.
Our honeymoon was awesome. We had the opportunity to spend an entire week after the wedding without our children. A lot of our time was spent just enjoying the company of each other through hiking, walking, napping, and laughing.
The first night our children came back to us (yes, all FOUR of them) was, to say the least, CHAOS. That night I had to work until 6:30, which meant my new husband would be with all 4 children by himself for a few hours. Most people wouldn't think this is a large task, however, reality hit like a brick being thrown in your face. The blissful busy time that we experienced prior to the wedding came to a screaching hault, and the bliss packed up and left. FOUR children needed to eat. FOUR children needed baths. FOUR children needed to brush their teeth and get ready for bed. All this in a matter of 90 minutes. To top it all off, my new husband was feeling overwhelmed, not from all the children but from all the STUFF that needed to be put away ... boxes, clothes, dishes, etc.
To see all this unfolding in front of me after a long day at work was, needless to say, overwhelming. Why wasn't everything PERFECT???? This is NOT how I imagined our life being married. An upset husband, and four children that were acting as though they hadn't seen each other in YEARS... bouncing off the walls. It seemed the only time they were "settled down" was when they were shoveling food into their mouths... and that only lasted what felt like a second.
After all the children were in bed, and alseep (by 9:00. don't ask me HOW that happened) we decided to watch the NCAA Men's Basketball final between UofM and Louisville. Being a HUGE UofM fan myself, I felt OBLIGATED to watch the game. We sat down and didn't speak much during the game. Three minutes before the half, he tossed me the remote and said he was going to bed. I KNEW he was upset, and I dreaded having to go to bed with him. I KNEW we needed to talk about the night's activities, but dreaded the conversation that would take place. I gave him an opportunity to get settled into bed and waited for the end of the period before turning in.
As I entered our bedroom, his back was turned toward the door. The lights were off and I thought for a moment he had actually fallen asleep. As I carefully slipped into bed, he asked who was ahead at the half. I quietly responded UofM, and turned over. What happened next I can't explain. I asked him if i could cuddle up next him, and he quietly said Yes. I NEEDED to feel his arms around me. We merged together in the middle of our king sized bed and I lost it. I started crying.... and not the kind of crying that you can easily hide. The kind of crying that is more like weeping, and all I could think about was, "My poor husband. He had no idea I was going to react like THIS." So he calmly asked me what was wrong. " I don't know," I wailed. "I didn't know it was going to be like THIS. This is NOT how I pictured things with us being married." "Hannah," he replied, "I love you." As if I'm not crying hard enough as it is, I started crying harder. From what I could muster out, in a small, squeaky, voice, I replied, "I love you, too, Ryan." We then prayed for US, our marriage, our kids, and our house. God grants peace to the weary and we quickly fell asleep... wrapped in each other's arms.
In the days that followed we learned a few things about each other that we didn't know before; things that we would only learn AFTER the wedding. (1) It's not that easy to live with someone when you're used to living with just your kids and yourself. (2) He is much more of a neat freak than he would ever have admitted to before the wedding. (3) When I get overwhelmed, I cry. Who am I kidding? I cry easily. Sad stories, touching stories, a cute commercial, etc. That's who I am. (4) Patience truly IS a virtue. It's also one of the fruits of the spirit.
Two weeks has passed since this night. I am ever blessed with a husband who gives husbands around the world a GOOD name. A man that WANTS to hear my opinion; WANTS to hear what's bothering me; WANTS to fix it (if i want him to). A husband who is far from perfect, but who God is molding to be perfect for me.
Two weeks has passed since this night. I am ever blessed with a husband who gives husbands around the world a GOOD name. A man that WANTS to hear my opinion; WANTS to hear what's bothering me; WANTS to fix it (if i want him to). A husband who is far from perfect, but who God is molding to be perfect for me.
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